Tuesday, 17 November 2009

When i moved in with the Black country boys.....

I find it horribly hard to be around people that don't drink, i start to become a paranoid child like mess, asking lots of questions, being as polite as possible, longing to find the key to enlightenment. Do these people know something i don't? Are they part of a greater community with access to better living? Have they proof god exists? Has he shown them what is in store for them and their clean livers when they reach death? It will go on like this for the period of time I'm around the tee total, quickly i get more and more polite and self conscious. I find it hard to strike up conversation, i find it hard to sit still and mostly i find it hard to look the person in the eye.
I recently spent a week living with a tee total who goes by the name of Cannon and two boozers both called Mathew. I had spent a fair bit of time with both Mathews but i had only came across the water boy a couple times, this scared me a little due to the rambling above.I quickly settled and felt at home straight away. It turned out to be the most fun I'd had in a long time, spending the entire time laughing, dead drunk laughing. It never even crossed my mind that Cannon didn't booze, it didn't bother me that he doesn't booze. I was comfortable.
I was high off this thought for over a week before going to the pub with some hangover boys, one of them brought along Darren, a straight edge vegan prick who needs a good punch in the face. His stories were boring and scary, not like Cannon's warm and homely tales. Our eyes met a few times which caused a sting in my stomach, the stinging stayed for a long time causing the hate for Darren to multiple rapidly. Usually i would have humiliated Darren and probably hurt his beliefs in some way, i decided not too, i decided to ignore him and it worked. I awoke the next day with a terrible hangover but feeling proud of my new grown up approach to life. Apparently poor Darren woke up feeling no good at all, whilst walking home some horrid thug had thrown a pint of Guinness at him from a group of like minded boys he was hiding in. I guess that's Plymouth for you aye. Poor sod.
Here's some photos Mathew Worboys took whilst i was staying............

They were all over me mate........

Whilst out on the piss with the lads, Worboys got in a bit of trouble with this pair of swingers. Luckily he had his bike with him so he could give the bird a backy whilst four eyes ran alongside them. They get home and Worboys offers the pair a can of carlsburg whilst they order a curry. The curry comes, gets ate and opens a whole world of uncomfortable chit chat with gaps of awkward silence. Cut a long story short, Worboys finds himself upstairs in bed trying his best to pleasure Polly pension whilst her old man is in the cupboard holding on to his nob like it's the winning ticket at the Grand national. Worboys, doing his best to get round the track as quick as possible finds it hard to cope with the spectators support, "Go on Mathew, go on son". This leads to a poor finish from our Worboys who gets treated like a loser with a kick out of the door. No goodnight kiss for our poor sod Worboys.

Mathew Mountford is a virgin.

Mathew Mountford dribbles when he's pissed,

he can count on one hand the girls he's kissed.

I was comfy sleeping on his sofa bed,

never before has a girl seen his pencil lead.

bang a bird I'll urge him,

secretly knowing I'm actually a virgin.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Scolding hot tea, the mugs are free.

Goodbodys is a twenty four hour cafe on mutley plain in Plymouth and it's amazing. I've spent plenty of time in there at six in the morning after a night dancing with goths down JFK's. I won't give too much away because i want to make a piece of art about Goodbodys but what i will say is if you go there you HAVE to steal one of there mugs, it's an age old rule. I've seen people putting them down there pants, hiding them in a rolled up jumper or in they're birds handbag, i nearly laughed myself to death when a certain Northern naughty boy ran out with a full mug of scolding hot tea. These mugs plus a Yorkshire tea bag will make your blood run blue just like it should. Rule Britannia, stay proud, long live the hangover hotel and DEadByTHiRty.

Friday, 4 September 2009

£2.79p peek a boo.

It won't be long now, opening night yet to be confirmed as the venue i picked has been overbooked. Thanks to Artwaun for the funding and thanks to Plymouth Gin for the free happiness. The hangover is for The Drip Trays, long live foever at sea and deAdBYthIrty.

Monday, 31 August 2009

Sleeping rough, i hope Jo aint up the duff.

I refuse to take part in anything bmx related, i hate it, all of it. It makes me sick to my stomach. Other things make me sick too, i'm regulary sick due to the amount of alchohol i like to consume. Saturday was one of those occasions, one of the worst my body has been threw. I was sick for nearly the whole day and mostly out of a window of a mini bus traveling seventy miles an hour up the motorway. I was on the way to a bmx event, no fucking wonder i was being sick, my body was trying it's best to keep my mind from thoughts of suicide. It was'nt until my head cleared that i rememberd who i was with and everything turned from grey to green, Plymouth Argyle green. I was'nt going to a bmx event, i was going to the pub with the lads. Fuck Stephen Murray i'd die for Steven Pope.

Fat, little nautical man.

Chubby sick little mess,
funny when naked no less.

Too scared to have a bath,
using himself to get a laugh.

Fry ups, booze, fish and chips,
look at the size of those hips.

Orders beer aswell as gin,
guilt, anxiety and moral sin.

Never learn though, way too thick,
tummy filled with multi coloured sick.

Jo was ere.

Jo was ere, did'nt like it much though cuz Sam's queer,
"he'll be a virgin for life due to std fear".

I don't blame him though she was rough,

she told plenty a story about getting up the duff.

Sam just ran away from a bird with kids,
his pants are still fresh with skids.

He managed to pull Jo, i'll give him that,
anyone else would need ten pints of black rat.

Her mate was just as bad,
good job our sexy Lee is a proper lad.

Oh shit, wait, he only lasted a minute,
"I gotta get home for the kids now innit".

"I did'nt have a rubber and you need one with girls like that."

Laidler climbs the ladder of Swilly's sweat hearts.

Sexy Lee shows Sam his scrap book of girls he has entertained, Sam gets pissed off as he spots a picture of his Mum.

Showers are for flowers.

Chris Evans snuck onto the bus and into my heart, true Plymouth showed him to his seat.

I'm not saying your gay like Sam but those bracelets make my mind race,
you won't pull any chicks four eyes face.

I love you Dominic but you had a shower,
real boys don't do that flower.

A spair pair of shoes can be quite slick,
a shower and a clean t-shirt makes you a prick.

Sleeping in the same bed as the bad man was a wise move,
it makes you being gay easier to prove.

You could'nt resist the hairy chest,
i'm surprised you did'nt organise this sausage fest.


Rendal's at the back of the bus being naughty,
every stop we make he pulls a Mum of forty.

You can hear him from a mile off,
he got in a fight and was sick on a goth.

He's a mad man on the pull,
he thinks everyone on the bus is dull.

One pint, two pint, three pint more,
not a man in the room he could'nt floor.

He can't control himself when he's out,
not a minute goes by without a shout.

I could'nt never be that loud,
he's a one man storm cloud.

Friday, 28 August 2009

Chris Wright is one of my top ten best peolpe.

I've been awfuly busy for a while now and have a whole catalouge of stuff to do. Whilst i'm doing that you can have a look at my mate Chris Wright's work, he's a bit of a naughty boy who does ever so good drawings.

Chris turned off then lights and i threw mash potato into the darkness, my popularity went threw the roof, i stayed in bed for threw days straight. DeaDBythIRTY.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

PLymouth, PLymouth til i die.


Wednesday, 27 May 2009

The Marv interview

Marv told me his Mum put his cat Vinnie down because it was cheaper to do that then it was to pay for the operation he needed, now he tells me some other stuff. Long live the stooper losers!

Bon jovi Marv. It's been a while since i saw you last, how are you?

Hello my friend I'm doing good, its my favorite month of the year and i'm loving it.

What have you been up to then? Have you been spending much time on the stoop?

Aint been up to very much, riding a little but mostly getting drunk at the stoop. Its gone into over drive, every time we go there it turns into a party now. We've almost stopped going to bars and clubs and just spend the entire night there.

I heard your Mum cried when she read your interview in ride last year, is this true? Does she know your a bad boy?

Yeah man she cried, not to me but my brother. I didnt tell her about it my bozo ass friend in newbury did the fucking idiot, got me in mega shit. Yeah i guess she knows i'm a cunt now.

Is it true your brother dresses like Darren from Hollyoaks? Who gets more birds out of the two of you?

Yeah he dresses like him and kind of acts like him too. It used to be way worse but he has like of eased off it now. I dont know if he even realises or not. He used to get more girls but now he has a fat ginger minging bird and i get movie star pussy 24/7.

Does you Mum know about your tattoo? What does she think of it?

Yeah she knows, i kept it quite for a bit but then i thought fuck it. She thought it was fake and tried to rub it off proper school boy mother classic.

Have you had to knock anyone out recently?

Nah not recently. i think the combination of hanging out with vinnie sammon and doing lots of coke made me agro, made for good stories though.

In your section from NANG there are a couple clips filmed in Plymouth, what do you think of Plymouth? Do you feel threatened riding there seeing as Plymouth is owned by fellow Newbury champ Dom Hill or would you just knock him out?

I loved plymouth, i got laid by a rotter. I love Dom. I would KO him though if needs be.

When i came to stay at your house we went to Mcdonalds with Benson and he asked me if i'd ever binned my entire pocket belongings along with my rubbish. Have you ever witnessed Benson do such a thing?

Hahahaha i have never witnessed it, but a couple of years ago benson left his job and went on holiday to berlin and then round europe. So he was flying from stansted one afternoon and he gets there pretty early and cant see the flight on the boards so sits down and gets a beer chills for like 2 hours and his flight is in like 45 mins and it still isnt on the boards. Then the fucking brain of britain realises his flight goes from luton. No fucking shit, so he gets a taxi to luton asking the driver to boot it and has to pay 75 quid for it. Genius!

Part of you job involves uploading porn onto the internet yes? Does your Mum know about this? What does she think of it?

I dont have to any more, but it was fun finding the grossest porn ever. Nah thought i'd keep that one from her to be honest, she would have been checking the content everyday i know what she's like. dotty bitch!

I recently found a lump on my penis, if you found a lump on you nob would you ask your Mum for advice?

nah i wouldnt tell her, i would never here the end of it. she'd probably bring it up at a family occasion. Gives her ammo to rip me init.

I hope to see you soon Marvelous, on the stoop! Keep knocking out cunts.

i'll find some pussy to knock out on the stoop and get a pic for you. http://stooperlosers.blogspot.com/enjoy or die.hope to see you soon bluhd.marv
Stooper Losers

Monday, 25 May 2009


Some foundations have been laid, unlike the boys. Mega art comming soon.

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Thursday, 30 April 2009

Players Navy Cut

It turns out navy boys aint gay after all.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Infotainment Show & Latchkey Kid

Thursday the 23rd of April was Chris Wright's night, a Fall tribute night and the launch of The Latchkey kid zine. From what i can remember the whole thing went well. As part of the night Chris put on a art show named Infotainment which included artists Richie Moment, Max Griffin, Rhys Coren, Milo Brennan, John Murdoch, Chris Wright and myself. The show was honest to it's surroundings and beautiful to the viewer. John Murdoch didn't need his usual dose of viagra to get a boner that night as he had two portraits in the show and a full page in Latchkey Kid, no cock disasters here my mate. I'm not sure if there are any photos of people enjoying the night but here are a few of what was on show. Oh, and all the zines got nicked which lead me to be a bit racist apperently, aw well.

Baths are for girls and not for me

Mick Gilfoyle looked like a coal miner, he was completely black from head to toe, with a black suit and a black cap and a black horse. Mind you, everybody was black around there, but he was really black. Really, really black. And his horse was huge. He lived until he was eighty seven, never taking a bath, never washing anything, not even the horse. Then, when he was eighty seven, he got taken to hospital for a minor ailment and they gave him a bath. And he wasn't immune to the air beause he was completely covered in black dirt, so he got sick immediately and he died of exposure to fresh air.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Am i gay?

Sometimes, now and then, most days, i seriously ask myself, am i gay? This could be down to years of working in a theatre or being surrounded by art life or it could be that just a photo, a small sentance, a song or a clip of footage can make my tunny jump and my choice of clothing change. When these times come along i make myelf think deep and hard about what causes these attractions, it turns out i love men who love drinking. I'm not gay at all, if i was i would'nt love drinking fucking beer would i? Drinking beer is for men and not gays, gays drink sperm.

If i was lucky enough to have a gang of friends these lot would be my favourite members. I would take them down east street weatherspoons, we would walk in but leave on our backs. Guinness, swap your fucking blood for it.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Sorry Mum but i like Steven Pope.

without a word Steven will slide over a wet coffee table naked, for free.

Steven and his twin brother Max.

Shopping for pornos.

Making up for having a tiny willie.

Deadbythirty drunk.

Touch sensitive

The best bit of work i ever made.


LATCHKEY KID is a brand new zine produced by Chris wright and Jordan Evans-Viney. It's a celebration of our love for The Fall and it's going to look like a one of those hangovers when you wake up drunk and carry on drinking, blissfuly putting off real life and the dreaded black cloud of anxiety.

Anyway if you want a copy, come to the launch of latchkey kid at Mothers ruin on Thursday the 23rd where Chris wright is putting on a Fall night. If you don't want a copy come over to Hall Street where Tom Hobson will tattoo a dick on your head, you diserve it.